Self-loathing is a strange bedfellow to court. Who in their right mind wants to hate themselves? But I find myself in need of a little. Let me elucidate.

This old keeping-in-trim lark is a right pain in the butt ain’t it. I find myself thinking: “Isn’t giving up smoking enough?” I did that 30 years ago. On the back of that I’ve pretty much justified doing zero in terms of fitness and well-being ever since.

The conversation with myself goes something like: “Look I’ve given up smoking, what more do you want?”

Followed up swiftly with: “....and don’t you start on me with all that tedious nonsense about healthy eating, regular exercise, quality sleep and all the rest of it.

“I tell you this, there is a great huge industry for suckers out there, all sorts of rubbish is foisted upon us, this regime, that regime, books, theories, personal trainers, fitness bikes, treadmills, low fat, no fat, old hat, new hat, weights, gym membership, protein only, fasting, carb control, calorie control, apps for running, apps for eating, Fitbit, fatbit, this bit, that bit ..... it’s all rubbish. All of it.

“There are whole industries built on the back of vulnerable idiots who seem to willing to believe that stuffing lupins up their noses at night will deliver the body beautiful. It’s all ridiculous. Shut up and leave me alone. I’m going down the pub.”

I am, I confess, maybe a little cynical about the health and fitness industry.

Having been puffing round the park in a scruffy pair of trainers these last few weeks my conclusion, gentle readers, is that there is no shortcut to losing weight and getting fit. It’s all so damn difficult, boring and painful.

But then I remembered the time when it wasn’t difficult. When it was easy. A time in the year 2000, when the pounds fell away and motivation was second nature. I lost nearly 2st in 10 weeks.

I’d just been dumped, felt totally rubbish about myself. I felt old, bald and fat. I hated myself. Stung by the rejection and rallied by the heartbreak I gave up drinking altogether and slimmed down.

So I shall be launching my own fitness and well-being guide. I see a book, a DVD, and maybe even a TV mini series to help promote this new formula. It’s entitled: The Roberts Way - Anguish, Despair and Self-Loathing, A step-by-step guide to happiness. and fitness. Armed with this simple strategy and you too can release the joy that lurks within your inner self. In fact, the more you hate yourself, the happier you’ll be.